Your mother is sooo Jewish....
Single man or woman edition: She cried at your bar or bat mitzvah because you weren't engaged already
She cried at your brit milah (or simchat bat), primarily because you weren't engaged yet.
She goes to the doctor for any small thing, but mostly just to give out your picture to single MD's.
She signed you up for the wedding registry at Saks Fifth Avenue after your first Shabbat walk.
She has your resume on hand for any dating potentials.
She knows the dating status of most of the eastern seaboard.
She checks onlysimchas more than you do.
She sends you daily emails with profiles from Frumster and JDate.
When you have kids, she pre-registers at Saks Fifth Avenue.
She has an entire wedding, brit, bar mitzvah, and graduation photo albums in her purse.
She cried at your bar or bat mitzvah, primarily because you weren't engaged yet.
She cried at your graduation, primarily because you weren't engaged yet.
She has no concept of whispering.
She confides in librarians and grocery checkout people more than her therapist.
If she ever met Ghandi she would offer him a 7-course meal and not stop until every bite was finished.
She could find Osama through her power of guilt ("Would it kill you to pick up the phone and call me?").
She sets an extra seat at the Shabbat table, just in case you meet your bashert (soul mate) on the way to her house.
She encourages you to do whatever you want with your life so long as it includes grandchildren.
When you give her a Mother's Day gift you can faintly hear her muttering, "Just one grandchild, is that too much to ask for?"
Editor's note: Send your Mom a Mother's Day card even if it is a day late. It would hurt you to think of her?
Adapted from an article on Bangitout.com . Reprinted with permission
